The Recipe

TUNA MELTS:
A fine bachelor recipe...

Get a bowl and a spoon and a knife.
Drain one or two tins of politically approved tuna. Empty can(s) into the bowl
Mix ( in the bowl) with one tin of drained non-hallucinogenic mushrooms.
(Chopped is good.)
Add one tin of mushroom soup to the bowl...do not add water!
Add several chopped green onions to the bowl
Mix ingredients into a creamy mush...IN THE BOWL!

Pour mixture onto either split hot dog buns, hamburger buns, or for you high-falutin types...rye bread.

Add good cheese slices (unwrapped) to each portion. (On top)
Grated or thin sliced cheddar is also very good, particularly with the rye bread.

Place buns on oven proof tray and place into a preheated oven @ 350 for approx. 12 minutes. Monitor to make sure the cheese slices are not blackening.

Remove and allow to cool for at least 5 minutes.
Enjoy!
A couple of dill pickles and some potato chips on the side take this to to a whole other culinary level...darn near deli.

If all you have is a microwave and a toaster the rye bread works very well.
Toast it first and preheat the mushy mixture while still in the bowl for about 2 minutes on high. Remove from the microwave and ladle onto the toast , top with the cheese and return finished portions to the microwave on high for about two minutes. Once again allow some cooling time or risk a serious burn to the mouth and chin area when the cheese slice plops off and drops across your chin.
Trust me, this is not a fun experience. Be patient, fellas.

I recommend this meal for watching television as it requires no utensils and can be guided by muscle memory straight into the mouth. It also does not require a lot of chewing. Clean up consists of taking the bowl, the spoon and the knife to the sink. Beauty!

I had this idea for a bachelor cookbook for novelty gift stores.
"The Complete Bachelor Cookbook"
Inside one would find a can opener. That's it.
If anyone is inclined, you are free to run with this idea.