Random thoughts:May not be suitable for discerning readers.

I am told that Jennifer Lawrence has uneven breasts. Welcome to the club, Jenny. Hey..I thought that's what training bras were for. I mean what other training could budding breasts possibly need? I once tried to sneak in an order for one on our family's semi-annual shopping from the Sears catalogue...hoping it would help me understand and navigate those mysterious clasps...but my parents spotted it and gave me ten whacks of traditional hormonal therapy with the family belt. On a related note, at the age of thirteen, in a darkened theater, I once fondled a young girls elbow for nearly twenty minutes before realising my mistake. It's also a major reason that I have no desire to be young again. Anyway Miss Lawrence, good luck with any future balancing procedures. I'm thinking it may be as simple as tilting yourself slightly to one side.

I wonder if the slogan "Idle No More" will end up being no more than common signage encouraging car owners to shut off their motors in busy drive-thrus.

I wonder if I could successfully market a 'Bust Duster'? I'd be happy to get as far as trials and maybe a focus group.

For a long time I thought I could make a fortune with "Bachelor Cooking Made Easy', a hard shell VHS type package containing a can opener. But, technology has once again left me in its wake, with microwavable containers and pull back lids reigning supreme. This is akin to my Dad's misadventure when he financed  "Radio Dinners" in the early fifties.

I am agonizing over "in its wake" in the above paragraph. Should there be an apostrophe included with the word its? Where exactly should the little cashew be placed to be punctually correct? Will someone help me this? Anyone? The first five callers will receive a recorded message suggesting they get a life. Hee!

Today the American Football Championship will be played and a champion determined. In deference to current political correctness you will note that I do not refer to it as the Stupid Bowel or Stupid Bowl. I have decided to also ban Super Bowl for health and weight control reasons. I once timed an NFL game from the Two Minute Warning til the final gun...28 minutes. If only life really worked like that, huh?

If pro sports were sexual activity...which would most women prefer?

Baseball: Players are happy just getting to first base. (sigh)
Football: Average action lasts eight seconds (!)
Basketball: A man comes flying thru the air from a distance of fifteen feet for a slam dunk? (eek)
Hockey: Steady back & forth with fresh legs constantly driving the action every 40 seconds or so. (Hmm)

I saw a man outside a local butcher shop with a sign that read "Free Range Chicken!"
Naturally I popped in to grab one, but it turned out he was protesting. Sigh.

I once composed a piece called "The Song with No Name" but quickly realized my mistake.

The most important thing about learning good manners is remembering to use them.

Whenever I'm desperate for approval I use my bankcard...

I like asking the checkout people... "Before I press enter, could we have a quick prayer?"

You know something? It's easier to help a man up than it is to hold him down.