How are you?

"How's your health?"
I get that from folks a fair bit. I usually lie and change the subject over to them.
"I'm good. How are you?"
Quite effective really as most people would rather talk about themselves than about me.
I appreciate their inquiries of course, but deflecting them elsewhere is much easier than sitting through all the free advice if I get specific about how I am feeling. Even worse, I am liable to be hearing about how they share the same ailment, or have a cousin who went through the same thing.
For instance, should I offer...
"If I have a deep yawn I nearly pass out cold."

This leads to...

>"Oh, my cousin Cheryl suffered from that for years. She discovered that yawning while laying down really helped."
>"I had that for years til I started chewing iodine tablets just before bedtime. It has to be the tablets though, not the capsules. Dried seaweed is really good too...if you can get it fresh."
>"That's from the smoking Byron, and losing some weight wouldn't hurt either."
>"My Doctor says to yawn with your mouth closed but be careful to open it if you feel the pressure in your eardrum is about to explode and shatter something...because it is."
>"Really? My neighbour two houses down never yawns, but I think he's foreign."

Sigh...
The irony here is these conversations quickly tend to make me yawn, and I risk a fall.
You can see where a quick "How are you?" is the wisest response.

The other day I had it in mind to walk about downtown wearing a sandwich board that said...
"Give me $45,000.00 and I will leave this town."
A good friend talked me out of it...then asked how I was feeling. Can you guess how I answered?

I suppose one day I should answer truthfully.
I could tell them that my feet are starting to long for socks again, both knees are being recalled, my hips no longer swivel, my waist is just a memory and I have no lap and I could use a good sports bra and I drool at night and my hair is yellowing and my eyes are watery and I have a chin collection and I have no idea where my center of gravity is and my back screams profanities at me for most of the day and my idea of a long walk is about a hundred feet and my blood pressure is controlled by three pots of strong coffee a day and my singing voice has the same range as Audrey Hepburns' and it would probably only take a good or bad cold to kill me and I seem to forget my laundry downstairs all the time and I get a cart at Safeway even if I am buying stamps and take a snack break going up a flight of stairs and I reach in my wallet for the exact change in checkouts and my favourite tee shirts are now obscene looking tank tops and I toot and whistle just sitting down and by the way...how are you?