My Christmas Stocking
I guess I would be regarded as one of the poor souls who is subject to loneliness and depression during Christmas, but this year that characterization does not ring true.
Admittedly, the previous five years have found me in a dark struggle with the negative elements associated with this wonderful commemoration, and it may be I have been blessed as well to come out of each one relatively safe and sound mentally. However, these last few weeks through Advent and particularly the last two days I have been calm and content.
Comfortable might even be the best descriptive.
In the recent past I have joined the churchgoers for services where candles blaze and carols abound, been the token lonely single guy at holiday meals, you know...the one who arrives early and leaves late but always leaves, sat in agonized sadness over what Steve B. calls the 'wounds I have made', been burdened by the state of mankind, been one who lashes out over the mostly self-imposed circumstances that have left me alone in the season of hope, been more and more depressed with each cheery phone call I made or received and every smiling handshake I have shared.
Okay...before we all start to think of hanging ourselves, let me tell you about this Christmas.
I have spent this year in reflection of God. I have followed the Advent calender for the first time ever. With the exception of one Advent service, I have stayed home...not even joining the services of Eve or Morning. I even skipped the Queens message. I gave very few gifts and they were modest to say the least.
Now here's the thing...this whole time I have been showered by intimate love and overwhelming kindness.
These incredible gifts have come from my God and Saviour and one of his creations...a woman. Neither has been here in body yet both have been abundantly here in spirit. Certainly there is a good argument that it is all God's work...including the woman...and of course I would second that proposition. And no doubt it is the Holy Spirit alive in me that is a major contributer to my happiness, making me understand such love so freely given and able to accept it and return it in kind. These two loves, both earthly and divine, have fashioned an island of contentment. An island the three of us share. A place where I want for nothing and the storms of life and thought do not reach me. I feel as swaddled as a new born baby. For days I have not needed to think of this world, only rest in the warmth inside me and the love that keeps it there. It has been days since I ventured out. I have been alone and never alone. Yes, there is good work to do, but for now I am content and happy.
It may be the calm before the storms, but I am surely able to weather them after this wonderful period in my life. I am comfortable being me...right here, right now...in this very moment. Praise God for entering my life. Praise God for bringing Lois into my life. Let's face it...it's all God.
Admittedly, the previous five years have found me in a dark struggle with the negative elements associated with this wonderful commemoration, and it may be I have been blessed as well to come out of each one relatively safe and sound mentally. However, these last few weeks through Advent and particularly the last two days I have been calm and content.
Comfortable might even be the best descriptive.
In the recent past I have joined the churchgoers for services where candles blaze and carols abound, been the token lonely single guy at holiday meals, you know...the one who arrives early and leaves late but always leaves, sat in agonized sadness over what Steve B. calls the 'wounds I have made', been burdened by the state of mankind, been one who lashes out over the mostly self-imposed circumstances that have left me alone in the season of hope, been more and more depressed with each cheery phone call I made or received and every smiling handshake I have shared.
Okay...before we all start to think of hanging ourselves, let me tell you about this Christmas.
I have spent this year in reflection of God. I have followed the Advent calender for the first time ever. With the exception of one Advent service, I have stayed home...not even joining the services of Eve or Morning. I even skipped the Queens message. I gave very few gifts and they were modest to say the least.
Now here's the thing...this whole time I have been showered by intimate love and overwhelming kindness.
These incredible gifts have come from my God and Saviour and one of his creations...a woman. Neither has been here in body yet both have been abundantly here in spirit. Certainly there is a good argument that it is all God's work...including the woman...and of course I would second that proposition. And no doubt it is the Holy Spirit alive in me that is a major contributer to my happiness, making me understand such love so freely given and able to accept it and return it in kind. These two loves, both earthly and divine, have fashioned an island of contentment. An island the three of us share. A place where I want for nothing and the storms of life and thought do not reach me. I feel as swaddled as a new born baby. For days I have not needed to think of this world, only rest in the warmth inside me and the love that keeps it there. It has been days since I ventured out. I have been alone and never alone. Yes, there is good work to do, but for now I am content and happy.
It may be the calm before the storms, but I am surely able to weather them after this wonderful period in my life. I am comfortable being me...right here, right now...in this very moment. Praise God for entering my life. Praise God for bringing Lois into my life. Let's face it...it's all God.
posted by Byron | 7:23 AM
4 Comments:
not many would envy your circumstance. however, after a season of the busy-ness and clamor of "preparing" for christmas the thought of not going to meetings, of not going shopping, of staying warm and safe is like a glow from a candle in the darkness. God has certainly met you where you are to be with you and visit with you in a way that is enviable. i hope you continue to be taught and fed through the whole of christmastide. love you, man.
It is truly a gift from God, this opportunity to make such a difference in a person's life, and to have such unexpected joy come into my own. Connection of hearts ultimately is what we all want; we have to take risks to achieve that. And to take the risks we have to rely on God for guidance, wisdom, protection... Bryon, you have continually taken the risks and we have both been blessed by the results of your courage and generosity of spirit.
Wow...you guys! thanks.
This comment has been removed by the author.
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home